Doggy and the Linden Tree

Doggy and the Linden Tree

If you’ve heard of Battery Park City so ingeniously conceived when the City of New York so elegantly raised the Twin Towers, then you probably have also heard how Battery Park City, at the tip of Manhattan, boasts sustainable buildings and other features of green initiatives.

That may have once so been but in the hands of the wrong people – and those usually have a way of turning brown anything green, this tiny piece of land has taken a turn for the worse ever since the Pataki Highway, like a curse, was born. Those unfamiliar with the lay of the land are probably imagining some neighborhood-choking super turnpike the likes of which only Florida can surpass.

But no. The Pataki Highway, so dubbed by New Yorkers, is only a walkway, a grand walkway nonetheless, imagined by some politician as a promotional story to the right-of-passage by swaths of tourists swarming unidirectionally towards the 9/11 memorial grounds. Luckily for the residents, the invasion of the tourists did not happen, not in the way in which the namesake imagined. Occasionally a pack of two to five souls are seen braving through the wind-tunnel chilled hard-surfaced corridor. More prominent than the tourists are the piles of dog leftovers strewn here and there leading, like a path of breadcrumbs, to the often smelly doggy playgrounds. And when it rains and the runoff has nowhere to go it mingles with the phenomenon of the doggy byproduct eventually evaporating into our nostrils or showering us from above.

Yes, my friends. The doggy is no innocent bystander. This beloved creature who has our undivided love and attention simply because it cannot speak and showers its depraved owners with wet kisses and more, is quite responsible for the demise of much of Battery Park City’s sustainable features.

Take the case of the majestic Linden trees lining the stretch of the esplanade between South Cove and North Cove. Common parlance would have it that the trees died because of an extensive supply of salt water at the height of superstorm Sandy. They said, the Linden trees were a poor choice for the esplanade with its shallow soil foundation, that their roots require depth and that depth the esplanade doth not possess. But we know better. We know that is not the only reason the Linden trees died. The neighborhood doggy association played its hand too. Subjected day and night to hundreds of gallons of doggy showers over many years the poor trees could not take it anymore. The storm came and the sickly roots could not come through for the trees. They just toppled over and silently died.

On closer scrutiny, our sources tell us that the Sandy salt water story itself is nothing but a fabrication of the mafioso dogs at the helm of the powerful lobby group. The Parks People, threatened to be exposed, they having a share of the blame too, kept quiet and repeated the lie promoted by the doggy media. They of course failed to mention that years of trimming the lowest branches had encouraged the trees to grow upwards and anyone who understands the concept of an object’s center of gravity can quickly get the picture.

Ahhhh! Could this be why all of a sudden after years of non-action, the surviving Linden trees finally got a proper haircut? Why not extend the courtesy to the rest of the battered Battery Park trees?


… also see Sandy and the Linden Tree


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